Today I feel like using my blog to vent. Not that I don't already do that. Regardless, I have a lot on my mind. Mainly, I have one thing on my mind. That one thing is the underlying power people have in influencing the way someone feels about themselves. Whether it may be them personally, or their accomplishments in life, or anything they do or don't do.
I have never really had to deal with feeling like I needed to do better than what I already have because I made really good grades in school, I made really good grades in college, not to mention that I even went to college in the first place was something for me to be proud of (and working all the while off and on). At one point in time, the fact that I had graduated with an Associate degree was enough to satisfy my needs for accomplishments; no longer is that the case. I now feel pressure from people to either be searching for my career job or apply to college to "finish my education"... even though technically I have finished the degree I set out for. Unknowingly, some people make me feel as if the accomplishments I am satisfied with are simply not good enough. I don't think people realize how the way they ask certain questions about your life can imply the way they feel about those things. I'm so, so tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm tired of feeling like I don't fit in with other people in my stage of life. I'm tired of feeling like people look down at me because I'm not as well educated as others my age. I'm tired of people looking down at me because I am currently a stay at home wife and not heavily pursuing a career. I'm so tired of feeling lesser than everyone else. Unfortunately, the few people who try to encourage me in the fact that where I am in life is just fine doesn't outweigh the number of people giving me opposite feedback.
Therefore, I will be trying to better myself very soon. I will be trying to go back to school as soon as I can, and will be looking for a job. Maybe, just maybe will I then begin to feel as though I belong. Maybe then will I feel good enough.
